The Call

I was anxiously awaiting the phone call from Dr McMullen's office to tell me when my surgery was going to be (I tend to get a little impatient when I am waiting). It was about the middle of April by this time. Finally Dr McMullens office called one day while I was on my lunch break, and I took a deep breath because as much as I was anticipating this phone call I suddenly got nervous. I answered the phone and the lady said that she was calling because they were having trouble billing my appointments or something and needed to make sure they had the correct information.... SERIOUSLY?! I was expecting to be told my surgery date.... not to give them the correct spelling of my name!

Once I gave the receptionist all my correct info she was about to hang up and I was like "Oh wait.... I was just wondering if you were able to book a surgery date for me yet?" She was like "Oh ya... it will be on May 7th. Dr McMullen would like you to be admitted the day before so you will have to call the adult surgery department the day before at 10:30 am to find out what time you will be able to check in." She gave me the number and I was trying to write everything that she had said down like the phone number for the surgery department, dates, times etc.

When I got off the phone it really hit me that this was real.... that I was really going to be having ANOTHER surgery.... I honestly was not sure I could handle another one. It made me start thinking of what I went through with my previous 2 surgeries..... all the aches and pains that go along with having surgeries and incisions, having to stay in the hospital again, being hooked up to IV poles, seriously.... I didn't think I could do it again. I just wanted it to be over, I wanted to be healthy, and happy. I started to wonder (like I had MANY MANY times before) what I had done to deserve having this disease, and why I was chosen to go through it all. I look at my sisters and my friends and they have never had to have a major surgery, they don't have to schedule their lives around surgeries and doctors appointments. They actually get to use their holidays for fun stuff.... not to go to Edmonton for doctors appointments. I am not going to lie, I am jealous. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself... and I guess in a way I am, its not fair. But I have to keep reminding myself that life isn't fair, and it could always be worse. I still wanted to cry, just have a meltdown. But what would that help?... it wouldn't change the fact that I still needed to have another surgery, it wouldn't change the fact that I have Cushing's Disease. I got dealt this hand in the game of life, and I guess I better learn how to play it to make the most of it!

So now I get to wait for 3 more weeks.... great more time to think about it! Luckily I am a fairly busy person.... it helps me to stay busy because then I don't sit and dwell on it for long. I don't have alot of time to sit and feel sorry for myself....