Preparing for # 2

I remember sitting on the little bed (you know the one with the nice paper over it) blinking so I could fight back the tears. I didn't want to cry in front of my Dad.; not sure why but I just felt like I had to hold it in.... I felt so sure that the doctors were going to tell me that everything was looking good... I was not expecting this news. I was totally shocked. I did not want to go through another surgery. The last one was so painful and scary, I did not want to do it again. But I did not want everyone to know how scared I was, so I put on what I like to call "the brave face".

After speaking with the doctors for a few minutes they told us that they would schedule the surgery as soon as they could. They told us that it needed to be done ASAP because the tumour was coming back quickly. They could not believe how much it had grown in such a short amount of time.

Walking out of the hospital my mom was asking me all sorts of questions like "How do you feel about this?", "Are you okay?" etc. etc. I just said I am fine and kept walking. I thought that if I didn't have to talk about it I wouldn't cry. The truth was that I was scared and frustrated. I was scared to have to go through all that pain again, and frustrated because after my first surgery they told me they were sure I would be cured. I felt like I had been lied to and that the doctors had got my hopes up and now they were splattered all over the floor. All I wanted was to be NORMAL.

Once we returned home I tried to go on as routinely as possible. I went back to work and told them that eventually I would be going for surgery and would need some time off. Other than that I tried to avoid talking about. It was almost as if I thought if I didn't talk about it the doctors would phone me and tell me they had made a mistake and I didn't need to have surgery again. I kept riding my beautiful Tia, spent time with my dog Harley that Mom had got me for my birthday. When people would ask me about my surgery I just slapped on "the brave face" and said that it wasn't really a big deal, even though on the inside I was freaking out! My boyfriend had stuck through it all with me and was fairly supportive considering he had no idea what I was going through inside. My family (including my Aunts, Uncles, cousins etc) were all really supportive which helped alot. It is great when you have such a great support system.

One Monday while I was on my lunch break at work I got a phone call... it was the hospital. The lady told me that they had a cancellation and I needed to be in Edmonton the next morning at 7am for presurgery admission. Completely blown away... I like "Okay." So here I am on Monday afternoon... having to be in Edmonton the next morning..... hmmm..... how on Earth am I gonna pull this off?

So I called my mom at work and told her that we needed to leave for Edmonton that day. I had to go back to my work and let them know what was going on and to quickly train the new guy to do my job. I was scrambling at work to get everything done that needed to be done, write out step by step instructions for the new guy so that he could do the month end reports etc etc. After I had done that I rushed home and packed my bag. My mom was getting her things together and we jumped in the truck and headed for Edmonton. My Dad, boyfriend and little sister were going to come down the next day. We didn't get out of town until about 4 pm and we drove to my Grandma's in Drayton Valley that night. We didn't get there until about midnight.

The next morning we drove into the city and I got my presurgery tests and paperwork done. I felt overwhelmed.... it all happened so fast. My Mom wanted to calm me down so they took me out for supper to my favourite restaurant.... the Olive Garden! We stuffed our faces (well at least I did!) and we ended up getting a hotel in the city because my surgery was scheduled for 7am which menat I had to be at the hospital by 5 am. My mom and I relaxed in our rooms until my Dad, sister and my boyfriend arrived. Everyone was tired from the drive... and I can't speak for everyone else but I was NERVOUS! We ate some food and I had a nice long bath. We all went to bed fairly early because we knew the next day was going to be a long one!

The morning of my surgery we got up at 4 am... I had to be at the hospital by 5 am. The hospital was so quite.... not the usual busy atmosphere that it normally was throughout the day. We arrived in the pre surgery admission. It was the same as the last time. The nurses came in and I got to change into those beautiful hospital gowns. They inserted the IV needle into my arm.... brought me a warm blanket and I sat with Mr Cuddles and we waited (my Mom, Dad, Justin, and my sister Jaimie).

***MR CUDDLES***
In my post about my first surgery I forgot to mention Mr. Cuddles. Mr. Cuddles was a VERY important part of my surgery. While I was in the hospital my Justin (my boyfriend) had given me a stuffed Monkey that I named Mr Cuddles (don't ask why!). I held onto Mr Cuddles when I was hurting, scared and when I felt alone. It is very special to me and always will be! The nurses even gave him a hospital wrist band like mine! I can't believe I forgot to mention it....

It was now time for me to climb onto the bed that I would be going into the operating room on. I could see the scared looks on everyones face... even my Dad. They allowed my family to walk with me to the surgery doors. I gave everyone a hug and kiss and told them that I loved them. Justin gave me a hug and started to tear up... he was trying hard not to because he knew I would cry if he did (and I did). It wasn't until then that I could see the amount of worry that everyone was holding inside. I didn't want to leave them...