Thursday, April 23, 2009

Next Step.....






The doctors told me that the next option available for me would be radiation treatment. The radiation would hopefully be able to shrink the tumor. The tumor was still causing my pituitary gland to secret an abundance of the ACTH hormone which was causing my adrenal glands to produce too much cortisol. My levels were still extremely high and as long as the tumor was causing my pituitary to over produce the ACTH my cortisol levels were still at a dangerous level. If I underwent the radiation treatments the doctors were hoping that the radiation would shrink the tumor so that it wasn't affecting my pituitary gland.



The doctors suggested that I should have stereotactic radiation. With the stereotactic radiation I would only need one treatment. The radiation beam with the stereotactic radiation is a larger, stronger form of radiation. They were hoping that with that type of radiation that it would hit the tumor hard enough that the results would be more effective. Unfortunately they didn't do that form of radiation in Edmonton and they would have to make arrangements for me to go to Calgary. The Tom Baker Cancer Center offered this type of radiation and they would put forth a request for treatment.



A couple weeks later my mom and I had to drive the 12 hours to Calgary to meet with the doctors. I met a doctor that was currently doing his internship and we started doing the tests to see if I was eligible to have this type of radiation treatment. I can't remember this doctors name but he was really great... he made me feel normal and didn't treat me like a case number. For me that was really important, I didn't like feeling like a number, I liked the doctors to think of me as a person not just a file number. I had to have more MRI's done and a couple blood tests. When I got to meet with the doctors again they told me that I was not a candidate for the radiation. The tumor was too close to my optic nerves and if they did this treatment there would be a high possibility that I would loose my vision. I would have to opt for a longer less concentrated version of the radiation treatment. The doctor felt bad that I had drove all that way for pretty much nothing but I understood why he didn't want to go ahead with this treatment.... I didn't want to loose my sight. So he said I could have the other treatment in Calgary or I could also have it in Edmonton at the Cross Cancer Center. We opted to go to Edmonton because it was going to be approximately 7 weeks of treatments and it would be closer for us to travel.



A couple weeks after that we were called to go back to Edmonton, this time not to the U of A Hospital but to the Cross Cancer Center.
I was asked to participate in a "study" type of radiation called "tomotherapy". I asked the doctors why it was a study and they said they have been doing it for a while and the only reason it was still classified as a "study" was because there wasn't any research able to be done on the long term effects because it hadn't been around that long yet. I asked them to explain the difference between tomotherapy and other types of radiation treatment. The tomotherapy was less invasive(meaning it wouldn't damage a whole lot of surrounding healthy cells), it would be 28 treatments, and all in all the only thing that was a little iffy was that there was no long term research available. This type of radiation seemed to be the best choice for me, so I agreed.





Tomotherapy machine:




Again I had to have more MRI's done and I had to be fitted for a mask. Because the radiation would enter my body through my forehead it was EXTREMELY important that I did not move while my treatments were done so that my vision and hearing would have less chance of being damaged. . The way they make the mask is you lay on a table, and they position your head how it would be during your treatment. They put a flat piece of mesh into hot water and allow it to get fairly hot. They then take the piece of mesh (now almost melted) and lay it on your face. They then form it to fit your nose, eyes and mouth. I am not gonna lie it was a little hot!! After the tech makes sure that it is formed to your face you have to lie still for 15 minutes while the mask hardens. I am not much for being able to lie still so it was difficult for me.... luckily it wasn't for very long!

Next I met with different doctors. The first doctor told us about some of the possible side effects of radiation. They included red spots where the radiation enters the body, sensitive/dry skin, fatigue, possibility of nausea, decreased appetite and the possibility of losing my hair. LOSING MY HAIR!?!?! As soon as the doctor told me this I started to tear up. I know it probably sounds stupid but I didn't want to lose my hair... hadn't I already been through enough? I was getting married in 5 months..... I wanted to be a beautiful bride, not a hideous bald bride.... But the doctor assured me that it was only a possibility and that as long as I only used baby shampoo when I needed to wash my hair, didn't brush my hair a whole lot, I might not loose my hair. I was still worried but felt better. The next doctor I met with said that I would NOT lose my hair... now I was confused. I told him what the first doctor had told me and he said that he didn't think I would lose my hair. Again I started to feel better... don't get me wrong I was scared to have the radiation treatment done.... I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know if it would hurt, I didn't ask a lot of questions though, I guess I was overwhelmed at being in the Cancer Treatment Center. There was ALOT of information being thrown my way and I couldn't wrap my head around it all. So then I had to meet with one more doctor. This doctor explain how to take care of myself during my treatments. I got pamphlets on how to eat properly, exercise, what to watch for that was not a normal side effect, what soaps, shampoos, lotions to use. It was alot of information. Then she told me that I would most definitely loose my hair. That was my breaking point... I started to cry. I had put on my "brave face" up until this point but being told I was for surely going to lose my hair was too much for me to handle. I am pretty sure that this was the only time I actually broke down and was bawling. Looking back now I realize it was silly, but at the time I thought losing my hair would be the worst thing that could happen.

My treatments would start in 2 weeks.... on May 8th 2007. Now I was kind of embarrassed, I had bawled like a baby over the fact that I might lose my hair. While my mom and I were walking through the halls there were so many people (I assume battleing with different types of cancer) that were so ill, most of them were wearing bandanas and were hooked up to IV poles. I realized that it could be worse for me, at least I didn't have cancer. I was still worried though, I was actually scared... I didn't want to do this treatment. As we walked out to the vehicle I realized that most of the people in the Cross Cancer Center were quite a bit older than me. Actually I never seen anyone that was my age. I felt very out of place.

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