So in a matter of weeks I had undergone another surgery (I forgot to mention that after BOTH my surgeries I lost my taste and smell for approx. 2 weeks), lost my grandma, and because I wasn't taking proper care of myself (by taking my medication and keeping my stress levels low) I developed SEVERE kidney pains. Once we were able to return home I decided that if I was ever going to get better I needed to start taking better care of myself. I tried to make sure to take my pills 3 times a day, eat healthier and managed to keep my stress levels as low as I possibly could. I had to go back to the doctor in January for another check up. The doctors wanted a follow up appointment approx. 3 months following my surgery to examine my MRI's and blood work. So my mom and I headed back to Edmonton for my checkup.
After sitting in my doctors office for what seemed like forever (but it was probably only about an hour) they FINALLY called my name. We went into the little room, and sat and waited for my doctors. I was a little anxious, I just wanted to get the appointment over with. My neurosurgeon always had a way of making feel stupid. He likes to talk in big medical terms and when I ask him questions he makes me feel like an idiot because I didn't know something. So instead of feeling embarrassed I just sit quietly and let them do all the talking. I wait to ask my questions until my neurosurgeon has left the room and it is just my endocrinologist. She is a wonderful lady and never makes me feel stupid for asking questions!
After probably 15 minutes of waiting both my doctors walked in. I always have an MRI done the day before my appointment, and they were carrying the photos in. We did the "Hello" and "How are you" thing, then they put the MRI's up on the lighted screen. They both got a really concerned look on their faces. My heart dropped like a rock. I knew something wasn't good. My Neurosurgeon never got a concerned look, he was always so confident in his work (kind of an arrogant man). I don't remember exactly what was said next but I do remember them telling me that the tumor had grown quite significantly since my surgery. My eyes teared up again as I blinked back the tears.
Honestly at this point I was tired.... tired of the poking, the prodding, the 7 hour drives to a doctors appointment, I was just tired. I wanted to just give up on the idea of ever being "cured". The doctors were so sure I would be cured after my first surgery, that didn't happen. Then when I was going for my second surgery my Neurosurgeon was absolutely sure that he was going to be able to get the tumor and I would be cured... and now he was standing there telling me it was growing back again?! I was angry, tired, and scared.... they already had told me that another surgery was not an option. There was too much scar tissue to be able to safely go in and remove the tumor. Also my tumor was too close to my optic nerves and if they kept trying to take more of the tumor there was a great possibility that I would have woke up blind. So now they were telling me that the tumor was growing back rapidly and surgery wasn't an option.... what now?
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