"The person that I am now is not the person I was 6 years ago"
This is the truest statement I think I have ever made. Six years ago I had just graduated from high school, dating who I thought was the person I was going to be with for the rest of my life, going to school full time and working full time. I was busy, I was happy, I was healthy.... or so I thought..... in May of 2005 it felt as if my whole world had fallen apart.... Clayton and I broke up, none of my "friends" wanted to hang out, and I was FAT.... it seemed as nothing more could go wrong....
My life has become one that consists of everyday struggles and challenges, the struggle to find answers for the illness that has taken its toll on my body. I have to struggle through endless doctor’s appointments where I am met with cynicism and arrogance, and have been told several times that the treatments they have said would work to cure me have failed miserably. I struggle daily to put on a “happy face” so that my family will not see my pain. I have come to realize that the biggest struggle is within me. How do you keep a positive outlook when you are so angry because your body and mind are letting you down? My story is one I hope that others don’t find themselves living one day but if they do maybe by sharing my struggles it will help them realize that they are not alone. This disease is not a fairytale so there will not be any “happily ever after” but with knowledge and determination there will be a “getting better everyday!” Remember that you may stumble along the way and there will times you want to give-up, it has happened lots to me..... but when that happens take some time for yourself.... talk to those who listen without judgement and don't give up, because if you give up then the disease wins.... if you fight hard and do research and find something that works for you, you can win the battle.....
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know:
I have "met" alot of "Cushing's Buddies" and other people that have suffered through what I have or are going through what I have and they have been a GREAT support! One of my "Buddies" had posted this and I "stole" it from her.... thanks Susan Kate.....
30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know:
1. The illness I live with is: Cushing's Disease before my Adrenalectomy/Adrenal Insufficiency (Addison's Disease) after my Adrenalectomy. My Adrenalectomy was performed on May 8th, 2008
2. I was diagnosed with it (Cushing's Disease) in the year: 2005
3. But I had symptoms since: When I look back I guess the sysmptoms started to show in 2003.
4.The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: accepting the way I look, I still have not done so
but I am getting better
5. Most people assume: that if I would "just exercise more and eat less" that I could lose the weight the Cushing's put on me, and that my muscles would get stronger, and then I would be all better, however this is not true, I am on steroids that make it almost impossible for me to lose weight.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting up... I never feel rested.... I can never seem to get more than 6 hours of sleep per night.... most times its less
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Mystery Diagnosis
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my cell phone
9. The hardest part about nights are: hmm.... getting to sleep early
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) now I am down to a total of 3 pills per day
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: am interested in learning about them, but need to put my trust in the proven treatments that are currently keeping me from going into a coma or dying.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: neither....
13. Regarding working and career: It has been hard but I have gone back to work after each surgery and radiation treatments.... I am now working 1 full time job and 1 part time job. I am tired ALOT but I push myself to do it....
14. People would be surprised to know: that I believe I got this disease for a reason and it has made me who I am and I like who I am
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I am fat... oh and after my last surgery (adrenalectomy) I was told I am not allowed to go to Brazil like I had planned.... but you just wait.... I will.....
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I am not sure.....
17. The commercials about my illness: there are none... YET!
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: being as physically active as I used to be... playing hockey, baseball, etc.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: I haven't really given anything up.... just have to do it in moderation... I am not as active but I try.... ok thats a lie..... I am not as social as I once was, I can't get over the idea that I am just a fat slob and thats what people see when I go out.... I am working on it tho... I am starting to go out more.......
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: starting a Cushing’s support group on facebook, researching Cushing's and Addison's, writing a blog....
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: MAKE THE DAY LAST FOR ABOUT A YEAR! Then I would do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE!
22. My illness has taught me: Not to judge people by their looks, that God will only throw at you what you can handle (even if at the time you think you can't), and REAL friends and family are all that matter, and they will love you know matter what you look like
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "Have you taken your pills?".... sorry mom but it drive me CRAZY!
24. But I love it when people: listen to me and want to learn about my disease (s), when they treat me like I am normal... not sick,
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I have 2... God will only throw at you what he knows you can handle, and "If God leads you TO it he will lead you THROUGH is"... I am not religous but I do believe in a higher power.....
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Research..... do as much as you can, talk to different doctors, people who have had it or have gone through it..... get as much information as you can before deciding on treatments!
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How some family doesn't care enough to become informed.....
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: my mom and Dad (Jim) have done lots for me.... done my chores when I was tired, helped me out financially when I wasn't able to work, listen to me when I am scared/sick/tired.... they have been there through EVERYTHING and I love them very much!
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want to do whatever I can to make sure that non-ill people are made aware of Invisible Illnesses and the people who suffer from them are REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS, and are NOT just inconvenient burdens who can be set aside out of sight and therefore out of mind.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: like you care.
30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know:
1. The illness I live with is: Cushing's Disease before my Adrenalectomy/Adrenal Insufficiency (Addison's Disease) after my Adrenalectomy. My Adrenalectomy was performed on May 8th, 2008
2. I was diagnosed with it (Cushing's Disease) in the year: 2005
3. But I had symptoms since: When I look back I guess the sysmptoms started to show in 2003.
4.The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: accepting the way I look, I still have not done so
but I am getting better
5. Most people assume: that if I would "just exercise more and eat less" that I could lose the weight the Cushing's put on me, and that my muscles would get stronger, and then I would be all better, however this is not true, I am on steroids that make it almost impossible for me to lose weight.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting up... I never feel rested.... I can never seem to get more than 6 hours of sleep per night.... most times its less
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Mystery Diagnosis
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my cell phone
9. The hardest part about nights are: hmm.... getting to sleep early
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) now I am down to a total of 3 pills per day
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: am interested in learning about them, but need to put my trust in the proven treatments that are currently keeping me from going into a coma or dying.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: neither....
13. Regarding working and career: It has been hard but I have gone back to work after each surgery and radiation treatments.... I am now working 1 full time job and 1 part time job. I am tired ALOT but I push myself to do it....
14. People would be surprised to know: that I believe I got this disease for a reason and it has made me who I am and I like who I am
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I am fat... oh and after my last surgery (adrenalectomy) I was told I am not allowed to go to Brazil like I had planned.... but you just wait.... I will.....
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I am not sure.....
17. The commercials about my illness: there are none... YET!
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: being as physically active as I used to be... playing hockey, baseball, etc.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: I haven't really given anything up.... just have to do it in moderation... I am not as active but I try.... ok thats a lie..... I am not as social as I once was, I can't get over the idea that I am just a fat slob and thats what people see when I go out.... I am working on it tho... I am starting to go out more.......
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: starting a Cushing’s support group on facebook, researching Cushing's and Addison's, writing a blog....
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: MAKE THE DAY LAST FOR ABOUT A YEAR! Then I would do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE!
22. My illness has taught me: Not to judge people by their looks, that God will only throw at you what you can handle (even if at the time you think you can't), and REAL friends and family are all that matter, and they will love you know matter what you look like
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "Have you taken your pills?".... sorry mom but it drive me CRAZY!
24. But I love it when people: listen to me and want to learn about my disease (s), when they treat me like I am normal... not sick,
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I have 2... God will only throw at you what he knows you can handle, and "If God leads you TO it he will lead you THROUGH is"... I am not religous but I do believe in a higher power.....
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Research..... do as much as you can, talk to different doctors, people who have had it or have gone through it..... get as much information as you can before deciding on treatments!
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How some family doesn't care enough to become informed.....
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: my mom and Dad (Jim) have done lots for me.... done my chores when I was tired, helped me out financially when I wasn't able to work, listen to me when I am scared/sick/tired.... they have been there through EVERYTHING and I love them very much!
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want to do whatever I can to make sure that non-ill people are made aware of Invisible Illnesses and the people who suffer from them are REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS, and are NOT just inconvenient burdens who can be set aside out of sight and therefore out of mind.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: like you care.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Surgery.... AGAIN
The morning of May 7th 2009 I was woke up at 6 am. The nurse came in to take my vitals. Around 7 am I got up and went downstairs so I could enjoy the beautiful morning (okay so I was having a smoke!), and while I was doing that I also called my mom who was staying at a hotel with My Auntie Randa and her friend Tracy (whom I refer to as Auntie Tracy). She said that she would hurry and get dressed and stuff to get to the hospital. I told her there was no rush because they were not coming until 10ish to prepare me for surgery.
The morning seemed to fly by because the next thing I knew my Mom, Auntie Randa and Auntie Tracy were sitting with me in my hospital room.
Some guy came in and asked me to change into the beautiful hospital gowns that I would have to wear for the next couple days (sense the sarcasm?). I went into the washroom to change out of my nice comfy jammie pants into this hideous hospital gown that makes NO ONE look good.... took one last look in the mirror, took a second to regroup.... I was scared... it was getting close to crunch time..... I was starting to get nervous but I didn't want to let on.... Stay strong girl... if you cry they (meaning my Mom and my Aunts) will cry too... they don't need to worry. I reminded myself that I had the best doctors taking care of me and then I came out of the washroom.
Me and my mom waiting for me to go to surgery... the bear in the picture is the one that Jaimie (my sister) got everyone to sign at my PreSurgery Party, the Kitty that my mom is holding is what my friend Jessica got me before I left... both the Teddybear and the Kitty were very comforting... probably more of a comfort than any 23 year old woman should find in stuffed animals but.... they got me through alot!
Me and my Auntie Randa who flew from Kelowna to be with me and my Mom
Me and Auntie Tracy before surgerySoon a nurse came in to put the IV in... and then I had to move onto the bed that would transport me into the operating room.... then a nurse came in and told me that they would be moving me out of the room that I had spent the night in to another ward... so my mom had to quickly gather all my belongings and pack them with her....it was about 10:20am... the guy wanted me to get on the bed and they would be transporting me to the operating part of the hospital... all the sudden I felt cold... My mom requested a heated blanket for me and the nurse ran and got one for me. It helped me feel a bit better.... not much but a bit.....
I was holding onto my IV pole as the man turned my bed around and started to make our way out of the ward that I was in, and down to the operating area. My mom and Auntie Randa were allowed to follow part of the way. The guy pushing my bed stopped at the big doors that lead into the operating waiting area. This is where I had to say goodbye to my Mom and Auntie. I kept telling myself on the short journey to these doors that I wasn't going to cry; but as soon as I had to say bye to my mom I started to cry... I didn't want to do this again.... no more pain please! 
The first picture is me saying goodbye to my mom (I was crying by this point) the second is of me giving Auntie Randa a hug before I went through the operating doors.
The first picture is me saying goodbye to my mom (I was crying by this point) the second is of me giving Auntie Randa a hug before I went through the operating doors. Then it was time for me to go through the doors, I never looked back. I was trying to wipe my tears so that the poor guy pushing me wouldn't think I was a big baby.... probably too late at that point... but I was trying to save my pride. The guy wheeled me in to the waiting area and parked me in my waiting stall. It was quite busy this morning... people being wheeled in just to sit and wait. As I was waiting I noticed a picture on the wall. It was the most beautiful scenic picture I have ever seen... and it just so happened to be of Brazil. I am planning on going there in the Spring to do some volunteer work at a hospital... I remember thinking... "It must be a sign, this surgery will go great and I will get to see this in the Spring." It helped me calm down a bit.
The anesthesiologist came to talk to me, got me to sign some papers and asked a few questions. Shortly after she left I was being wheeled into the room where I would be having my surgery. It was a small room over in the corner and the lady had to manouver my bed just right just to get it in there! I wasn't used to being in such a small room! Dr McMullen was in there. He looked a little different than when I had met him before... he was in his scrubs.... but he made me feel comfortable... he sounds very confident and I like that in a doctor, especially one that was going to be cutting me open! The next few minutes they put heart monitors on me... I hate the gues stuff they put on you... that stuff doesn't come off easily and it feels nasty! The next thing I remember is them telling me that I was going to sleep.... then it was lights out.
Friday, July 31, 2009
May 6th 2009- Day before surgery
I woke up and walked out to the kitchen where my mom and Sherry were. Sherry was busy scurrying around to make us breakfast (nothing like bacon, eggs and homemade hash browns... mmm!!) and my mom was sitting at the table drinking coffee. They had already gone out to do chores (they let me sleep in :) ). I had to phone the hospital at 11:00am to find out what time I had to be at the hospital to check in. So Sherry, Mom and I ate breakfast and sat at the table chatting for a bit.... listening to Maggie and Ike snoring under the table (they are Sherry's dog..... coolest dogs ever.... they are boxers who seriously are like kids!). After we cleaned up the dishes from breakfast we sat down and were visiting again, I decided to use Sherry's computer to go on Facebook and get my last fix of it for a little while. It was kind of overwhelming how many people had wished me good thoughts... comforting to know I have so many good people in my life. I realized that it was almost 11am and that I should phone the hospital.
When I phoned the hospital they still did not have a time for me to be at the hospital (they were waiting for a bed to open) so they asked if I could phone back at 12pm. I was relieved and at the same time annoyed, I just wanted to know when I had to be there and I just wanted to get this stupid thing OVER with! But I knew that sometimes it is hard to get a bed the hospital is always so busy....
So I called the hospital back at 12 and they told me that I was to check in at admissions at 4 pm. My stomach started to tighten.... I am not really sure why. I think it was because I was hoping that they would still be like "Oh you are fine now, we don't actually have to do this surgery". I knew that that wouldn't happen but I was hoping!
I told my mom what time I had to be at the hospital so she knew when she had to drive me in. We decided that we would leave right away because Sherry lives 20 minutes outside of Edmonton and we wanted to do a bit of shopping before I had to be admitted, plus we also had to pick up my Aunt from the airport who flew in from Kelowna to be with us. It was sad to say goodbye to Sherry and Ike and Maggie, but we gave them all a round of hugs and I told them I would see them soon!
Mom and I drove into the city and did a bit of shopping.... she is the greatest! She bought me a fuzzy super soft bath robe that I could wear in the hospital, a pair of comfy sweats (for after the surgery) and just little things that I had forgotten I would or want!
We were taking our time in the store and realized that it was almost time to pick up my Auntie Randa from the airport. We hurried and paid for our stuff and then headed to the airport... we were a little late... haha poor Auntie was waiting on the sidewalk for us! By this time it was almost 4 pm and I had to head to the hospital.
The ladies in admitting got me to fill out all the paperwork and put on my wrist bands (for identification) then we went upstairs to my room.... nope nothing had changed from the last time I was in there. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach when I think about staying in hospitals..... I mean its not bad as far as hospitals go but its still a hospital. I set my bags down and sat down on my bed. The lights were not on, but I didn't want them on.... I sat there for a moment trying to relax then the nurses came in to take my vitals (blood pressure, pulse and temperature). Then because I wasn't having anything else done that evening the nurses said that I was allowed to go out for supper. I was excited.... One more meal of NON HOSPITAL food! Oh and of course I chose the Olive Garden... I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!.....
So we went to the Olive Garden... my mom's friend Tracey met us there. She had drove down so that my mom wouldn't have to be by herself while I was in the hospital. We had a great meal (and a good looking server :)...) then it was time to head back to the hospital so I could get to sleep. Mom dropped me off and they headed to their hotel. When I was walking back into the hospital it was so quiet... usually during the day it is so busy and there are so many people bustling about but at night it is so quiet... it is eerie........
I rode the glass elevator upstairs to my room, changed into my jammies and turned on my iPod. I fell asleep listening to my music....
When I phoned the hospital they still did not have a time for me to be at the hospital (they were waiting for a bed to open) so they asked if I could phone back at 12pm. I was relieved and at the same time annoyed, I just wanted to know when I had to be there and I just wanted to get this stupid thing OVER with! But I knew that sometimes it is hard to get a bed the hospital is always so busy....
So I called the hospital back at 12 and they told me that I was to check in at admissions at 4 pm. My stomach started to tighten.... I am not really sure why. I think it was because I was hoping that they would still be like "Oh you are fine now, we don't actually have to do this surgery". I knew that that wouldn't happen but I was hoping!
I told my mom what time I had to be at the hospital so she knew when she had to drive me in. We decided that we would leave right away because Sherry lives 20 minutes outside of Edmonton and we wanted to do a bit of shopping before I had to be admitted, plus we also had to pick up my Aunt from the airport who flew in from Kelowna to be with us. It was sad to say goodbye to Sherry and Ike and Maggie, but we gave them all a round of hugs and I told them I would see them soon!
Mom and I drove into the city and did a bit of shopping.... she is the greatest! She bought me a fuzzy super soft bath robe that I could wear in the hospital, a pair of comfy sweats (for after the surgery) and just little things that I had forgotten I would or want!
We were taking our time in the store and realized that it was almost time to pick up my Auntie Randa from the airport. We hurried and paid for our stuff and then headed to the airport... we were a little late... haha poor Auntie was waiting on the sidewalk for us! By this time it was almost 4 pm and I had to head to the hospital.
North side of the hospital
When we got to the hospital Mom dropped me off at the front doors with my suitcase and went to park the truck. She told me her and Auntie would meet me in the admitting area.
When we got to the hospital Mom dropped me off at the front doors with my suitcase and went to park the truck. She told me her and Auntie would meet me in the admitting area. The ladies in admitting got me to fill out all the paperwork and put on my wrist bands (for identification) then we went upstairs to my room.... nope nothing had changed from the last time I was in there. I get a horrible feeling in my stomach when I think about staying in hospitals..... I mean its not bad as far as hospitals go but its still a hospital. I set my bags down and sat down on my bed. The lights were not on, but I didn't want them on.... I sat there for a moment trying to relax then the nurses came in to take my vitals (blood pressure, pulse and temperature). Then because I wasn't having anything else done that evening the nurses said that I was allowed to go out for supper. I was excited.... One more meal of NON HOSPITAL food! Oh and of course I chose the Olive Garden... I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!.....
So we went to the Olive Garden... my mom's friend Tracey met us there. She had drove down so that my mom wouldn't have to be by herself while I was in the hospital. We had a great meal (and a good looking server :)...) then it was time to head back to the hospital so I could get to sleep. Mom dropped me off and they headed to their hotel. When I was walking back into the hospital it was so quiet... usually during the day it is so busy and there are so many people bustling about but at night it is so quiet... it is eerie........
I rode the glass elevator upstairs to my room, changed into my jammies and turned on my iPod. I fell asleep listening to my music....
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Preparing
So for the next couple weeks I was just trying to prepare for when I would be gone.... I had to make sure someone would take care of my dogs, Harley gets so sad when I leave him I don't think Spice really cares but... I still wanted to make sure that someone would be able to give them lots of attention while I was away so they wouldn't be sad. I also had to make sure that someone was watching my horses and making sure that they were getting all their feed, cleaning stalls, cleaning pens etc. As if it isn't hard enough to find someone to watch just my animals but because my mom was coming with me we had to find someone to watch all her animals too.... so that's a total of 5 dogs, and 5 horses...... luckily for us my mom has some great friends that agreed to care for the horses and my sisters were going to take turns with the dogs.
The next thing that I had to do was make sure that someone could cover me at work. We have a part time lady that we asked to cover my position while I was gone. So I had to go through everything that I do on a daily basis and write it out for her. This actually took a while because I had to write EVERYTHING out.... even things that I thought were easy. I had to remember that poor Wilema had never done my job and she wouldn't have a clue of what to do. It took me about a week to go through everything, even when I thought I had everything wrote out something would come up that I forgot. I finally thought I had what I like to call "Stacy's Bible" completed. Wilema came in and I showed her the "Bible". I had forgot what it was like for me when I first started (I had been doing this for 2 years and it came really easy for me now). So for the next couple weeks she came in a couple times a week to learn my job. She did really well but I was wishing that I had more time to train her. Plus about 4 days before I left for my surgery one of the programs that I use was updated and totally different than what I had been teaching her.... so now I had to learn it and teach Wilema how to do it..... I was a little stressed out! Scott (one of the guys that I work for) said for me not to worry about it, they will figure it out, and if not then it would be there for me when I returned!
I found out that my surgery was going to be on May 7th (which happens to be my Dad Jack's birthday). I was going to have to be admitted to the hospital on May 6th for pre-surgery admission. This meant that my mom and I would have to leave on the 5th. Time flew by because I was busy trying to get everything ready for when I was gone. I didn't know EXACTLY how long I was going to be off work (Dr McMullen said about a month but Doctor Chik said at least 2 months) so I wanted to make sure that Wilema could do my month end stuff and everything that needed to get done for at least a month. Mom and I hauled hay for the horses, I made sure that my dogs had their little treats, and I spent as much time as I could doing the things that I like doing.... riding my horse, playing with my dogs and spending as much time as I could with my family (especially Logan).
The weekend before my surgery my sister Jaimie organized a "Pre-surgery Party" for me and invited all my closest friends and family. She had it at a local pub and had it decorated and bought a teddy bear that I could take with me to my surgery. She bought him a little t-shirt and got everyone to sign it for me. Jasta (a close friend) got everyone to stand up and introduce themselves and say how they knew me or something nice about me.... I was doing okay until Kaelyn stood up to talk. Kaelyn and I have known each other since grade 11 and I absolutely love her.... she is one of my closest friends. Her and I have been through a lot together and she came and seen me in the hospital when I had my first surgery.... she has seen me at my absolute worst and she still loves me! Anyways I was bawling and it just got worse as more people stood up to talk.... it really made me realize that I have the most WONDERFUL friends and family... and I know that they all really care about me (I am not going to name everyone but you know who you are... and I just want to say that I love everyone of you and I have so much fun when I am with you guys!). We stayed at the pub for a while and played some fun drinking games (which even my mom and Dad participated in... although I think they were both drinking Coke not booze!) and we all had a blast! After that we went to the bar and I must say that the rest of the night is kind of a blur..... but I am sure it was a good time! :)
So I worked that Monday and half of Tuesday and then my mom and I headed for Sherry's house. Sherry is a family friend and she lives near Edmonton. She has always offered for me to stay with her and I have a couple times when I go to Edmonton. Great lady. Anyways mom and I arrived at Sherry's around 9 pm and we had supper and just sort of relaxed. I had to call the hospital the next morning to find out what time I was supposed to be at the hospital. I didn't get a lot of sleep that night.... my head was spinning.... I almost couldn't believe that I was going to have ANOTHER surgery. I had it in my head that my body would have straightened out before we got to this point and I wouldn't have to do this again... I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital, I wouldn't have to have IV's all over and I wouldn't have to go through all the pain that goes with having surgery. I ended up crying myself to sleep.... I was scared.
The next thing that I had to do was make sure that someone could cover me at work. We have a part time lady that we asked to cover my position while I was gone. So I had to go through everything that I do on a daily basis and write it out for her. This actually took a while because I had to write EVERYTHING out.... even things that I thought were easy. I had to remember that poor Wilema had never done my job and she wouldn't have a clue of what to do. It took me about a week to go through everything, even when I thought I had everything wrote out something would come up that I forgot. I finally thought I had what I like to call "Stacy's Bible" completed. Wilema came in and I showed her the "Bible". I had forgot what it was like for me when I first started (I had been doing this for 2 years and it came really easy for me now). So for the next couple weeks she came in a couple times a week to learn my job. She did really well but I was wishing that I had more time to train her. Plus about 4 days before I left for my surgery one of the programs that I use was updated and totally different than what I had been teaching her.... so now I had to learn it and teach Wilema how to do it..... I was a little stressed out! Scott (one of the guys that I work for) said for me not to worry about it, they will figure it out, and if not then it would be there for me when I returned!
I found out that my surgery was going to be on May 7th (which happens to be my Dad Jack's birthday). I was going to have to be admitted to the hospital on May 6th for pre-surgery admission. This meant that my mom and I would have to leave on the 5th. Time flew by because I was busy trying to get everything ready for when I was gone. I didn't know EXACTLY how long I was going to be off work (Dr McMullen said about a month but Doctor Chik said at least 2 months) so I wanted to make sure that Wilema could do my month end stuff and everything that needed to get done for at least a month. Mom and I hauled hay for the horses, I made sure that my dogs had their little treats, and I spent as much time as I could doing the things that I like doing.... riding my horse, playing with my dogs and spending as much time as I could with my family (especially Logan).
The weekend before my surgery my sister Jaimie organized a "Pre-surgery Party" for me and invited all my closest friends and family. She had it at a local pub and had it decorated and bought a teddy bear that I could take with me to my surgery. She bought him a little t-shirt and got everyone to sign it for me. Jasta (a close friend) got everyone to stand up and introduce themselves and say how they knew me or something nice about me.... I was doing okay until Kaelyn stood up to talk. Kaelyn and I have known each other since grade 11 and I absolutely love her.... she is one of my closest friends. Her and I have been through a lot together and she came and seen me in the hospital when I had my first surgery.... she has seen me at my absolute worst and she still loves me! Anyways I was bawling and it just got worse as more people stood up to talk.... it really made me realize that I have the most WONDERFUL friends and family... and I know that they all really care about me (I am not going to name everyone but you know who you are... and I just want to say that I love everyone of you and I have so much fun when I am with you guys!). We stayed at the pub for a while and played some fun drinking games (which even my mom and Dad participated in... although I think they were both drinking Coke not booze!) and we all had a blast! After that we went to the bar and I must say that the rest of the night is kind of a blur..... but I am sure it was a good time! :)
So I worked that Monday and half of Tuesday and then my mom and I headed for Sherry's house. Sherry is a family friend and she lives near Edmonton. She has always offered for me to stay with her and I have a couple times when I go to Edmonton. Great lady. Anyways mom and I arrived at Sherry's around 9 pm and we had supper and just sort of relaxed. I had to call the hospital the next morning to find out what time I was supposed to be at the hospital. I didn't get a lot of sleep that night.... my head was spinning.... I almost couldn't believe that I was going to have ANOTHER surgery. I had it in my head that my body would have straightened out before we got to this point and I wouldn't have to do this again... I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital, I wouldn't have to have IV's all over and I wouldn't have to go through all the pain that goes with having surgery. I ended up crying myself to sleep.... I was scared.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Call
I was anxiously awaiting the phone call from Dr McMullen's office to tell me when my surgery was going to be (I tend to get a little impatient when I am waiting). It was about the middle of April by this time. Finally Dr McMullens office called one day while I was on my lunch break, and I took a deep breath because as much as I was anticipating this phone call I suddenly got nervous. I answered the phone and the lady said that she was calling because they were having trouble billing my appointments or something and needed to make sure they had the correct information.... SERIOUSLY?! I was expecting to be told my surgery date.... not to give them the correct spelling of my name!
Once I gave the receptionist all my correct info she was about to hang up and I was like "Oh wait.... I was just wondering if you were able to book a surgery date for me yet?" She was like "Oh ya... it will be on May 7th. Dr McMullen would like you to be admitted the day before so you will have to call the adult surgery department the day before at 10:30 am to find out what time you will be able to check in." She gave me the number and I was trying to write everything that she had said down like the phone number for the surgery department, dates, times etc.
When I got off the phone it really hit me that this was real.... that I was really going to be having ANOTHER surgery.... I honestly was not sure I could handle another one. It made me start thinking of what I went through with my previous 2 surgeries..... all the aches and pains that go along with having surgeries and incisions, having to stay in the hospital again, being hooked up to IV poles, seriously.... I didn't think I could do it again. I just wanted it to be over, I wanted to be healthy, and happy. I started to wonder (like I had MANY MANY times before) what I had done to deserve having this disease, and why I was chosen to go through it all. I look at my sisters and my friends and they have never had to have a major surgery, they don't have to schedule their lives around surgeries and doctors appointments. They actually get to use their holidays for fun stuff.... not to go to Edmonton for doctors appointments. I am not going to lie, I am jealous. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself... and I guess in a way I am, its not fair. But I have to keep reminding myself that life isn't fair, and it could always be worse. I still wanted to cry, just have a meltdown. But what would that help?... it wouldn't change the fact that I still needed to have another surgery, it wouldn't change the fact that I have Cushing's Disease. I got dealt this hand in the game of life, and I guess I better learn how to play it to make the most of it!
So now I get to wait for 3 more weeks.... great more time to think about it! Luckily I am a fairly busy person.... it helps me to stay busy because then I don't sit and dwell on it for long. I don't have alot of time to sit and feel sorry for myself....
Once I gave the receptionist all my correct info she was about to hang up and I was like "Oh wait.... I was just wondering if you were able to book a surgery date for me yet?" She was like "Oh ya... it will be on May 7th. Dr McMullen would like you to be admitted the day before so you will have to call the adult surgery department the day before at 10:30 am to find out what time you will be able to check in." She gave me the number and I was trying to write everything that she had said down like the phone number for the surgery department, dates, times etc.
When I got off the phone it really hit me that this was real.... that I was really going to be having ANOTHER surgery.... I honestly was not sure I could handle another one. It made me start thinking of what I went through with my previous 2 surgeries..... all the aches and pains that go along with having surgeries and incisions, having to stay in the hospital again, being hooked up to IV poles, seriously.... I didn't think I could do it again. I just wanted it to be over, I wanted to be healthy, and happy. I started to wonder (like I had MANY MANY times before) what I had done to deserve having this disease, and why I was chosen to go through it all. I look at my sisters and my friends and they have never had to have a major surgery, they don't have to schedule their lives around surgeries and doctors appointments. They actually get to use their holidays for fun stuff.... not to go to Edmonton for doctors appointments. I am not going to lie, I am jealous. I know it sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself... and I guess in a way I am, its not fair. But I have to keep reminding myself that life isn't fair, and it could always be worse. I still wanted to cry, just have a meltdown. But what would that help?... it wouldn't change the fact that I still needed to have another surgery, it wouldn't change the fact that I have Cushing's Disease. I got dealt this hand in the game of life, and I guess I better learn how to play it to make the most of it!
So now I get to wait for 3 more weeks.... great more time to think about it! Luckily I am a fairly busy person.... it helps me to stay busy because then I don't sit and dwell on it for long. I don't have alot of time to sit and feel sorry for myself....
Monday, June 29, 2009
"Hello I am Dr McMullen."
So life went on fairly normal for a little while... I thought it would be MONTHS before I even got to go see the surgeon, so I thought it would be a REALLY long time before my surgery. But withing about 2 weeks I received a call from Dr McMullen's office (he is an Endocrine surgeon) to set up an appointment to see him. My appointment was to be on March 6th. So again mom and I took the day off work to drive the loooonnnnngggg drive to Edmonton.
So the next morning we woke up fairly early so that we could make it to my appointment. I was so excited because my appointment was fairly early so we were going to be able to make it home at a decent time! We got to the hospital and decided that instead of trying to find a parking spot where my vehicle would fit that we would just valet it. It actually worked out really well because they park it for you and it really isn't a whole lot more expensive and way less stressful! Mom and I made our way to the glass elevator and went up to the second floor. I had never been to Dr McMullen's clinic before but it was on the same floor as Dr Broad's so I had an idea of where we needed to go.... turns out Dr McMullen's clinic is pretty much right beside Dr Broad's!
We didn't have to wait that long before we were able to go into the room and wait for Dr McMullen to come in which was awesome because I HATE WAITING!! haha... Dr McMullen introduced himself and the first thing out of his mouth was "I won't do this surgery unless you are 100% on board, if you have any hesitation I am not doing it." I was sort of baffled... I had never had a doctor tell me that, they always just tell me that this is what I should do. So I looked at Dr McMullen and I asked him if he thought this was a good idea and if he believed that having a bilateral adrenalectomy was the best possible choice for me. Without any hesitation at all he looked at me and simply said "Absolutely."
It wasn't until that moment that I was sure that this surgery was right for me. I had apprehensions about this surgery. Actually I was scared... this was the first surgery that the doctors were actually going to be removing something from my body, and once my adrenal glands were removed there was no going back... its not like they could take them out and then if it didn't "cure" me the doctors couldn't be like "Oh this didn't work, let's put them back." Once they were out they were gone. I am not going to lie I was scared... no I was terrified.
Once Doctor McMullen said that he felt that this surgery was right for me I felt more at ease. I was still scared because again it was a permanent decision. I told Doctor McMullen that if he felt that it was truly the right choice for me then I was totally on board. I was just ready to be normal, and not be sick all the time. I wanted to move on with my life and not have this disease rule my life anymore. Doctor McMullen went over what the surgery would be like; he told me that the removal of the adrenal glands was actually quite simple and quick... once he got to them. It is getting to them that can take some time. I think he was shocked when my mom said "Is it because you have to move the spleen and the liver?" My mom is great... she had researched this surgery and actually knew more about what the surgery would entail than I did. He said "Yes, I am going to have to move your spleen and your liver to get at the adrenal glands." There are some risks during this surgery including damaging the liver or spleen if the surgeon is not careful, the risk of damaging the kidneys when taking the adrenal glands (because the adrenals sit on your kidneys), extreme bleeding, etc. Dr McMullen assured us that the chances of any of that happening were actually quite minimal and that he was confident that it would not happen. He had a confidence about him, not that he thought he was the closest thing to God, but that he was a skilled surgeon and knew what he was doing. His confidence made me feel more comfortable and by the time we left his office I too thought that this surgery was going to be my "cure". I signed the papers saying that I agreed to have this surgery and Dr McMullen told me that his office would set up a date for the surgery. I thought that it would be months before I would be scheduled but he said that the surgery would be the middle to end of April. My mom knew that me and my friend were planning on going to Mexico in the middle of April so she mentioned that to Dr McMullen and he said that he would make sure that the surgery was scheduled for after our trip. My mom laughed and said "If you do a good job on this surgery and help fix her (me) I will bring my horses down and you can ride my horse!" I thought Dr McMullen was going to think we were crazy but he was actually really excited about it and said that he was "looking forward to riding our horses"!!
We left the hospital and I think both my mom and I felt reassured. Dr McMullen is a great doctor, not only does he have an excellent record he made me feel like this surgery was MY decision, and he didn't try and use those HUGE medical terms to make himself sound brilliant and make me look stupid. He made sure that I understood what was going to happen and made sure that I was okay with everything. So Mom and I left the hospital feeling a whole lot better.
Mom and I were surprised, we were out of the hospital by about 12pm (which was actually only 11am our time) so were were going to be home by like 6pm (our time). It was a Friday and I didn't have to work the next day so I called my friend Diane and we were supposed to go for dinner that evening. The trip home was going really well until we hit just the other side of Whitecourt... then it was raining/snowing, and the road was really icy. I was quite nervous (I hate bad road conditions), but by the time we got to Valleyview the roads were quite a bit better. I was driving and mom had just fallen asleep. We were about 3 hours from home when I came over a hill doing about 140km and I had no steering... I realized that my belt had broke... so I pulled my vehicle over the side of the road (luckily the roads were great and it was sunny outside!!). I woke mom up and told her what happened and she got out and we looked under my hood... yup the belt was broke. OH GREAT!!
We phoned the Dodge Dealership in Grand Prairie (we were about 40km outside of Grande Prairie) and I told them what happened and explained to them that I was from outta town and I was stranded on the side of the road. The guys reply was "We can't help you because we close in 40 minutes, but I will give you the name of a tow truck company." (This is one of the reasons I will NEVER buy another Dodge). I called the tow company and they said they would come get my vehicle and we asked them if they could put a new belt on for us, they said they don't normally do it but because we were from out of town they would. The guy came and got us and towed my vehicle back to their shop (which happened to be just across the highway from the Dodge Dealership). The guy looked under my hood as he was explaining to me that belts don't just break normally and that there was probably something else wrong... then he said "You might want to phone for a ride home." Apparently my idler pulley was broke and they would have to tow my vehicle to a mechanic shop. Because it was Friday it probably wouldn't get worked on until Monday.
Mom and I called a cab who took us to the airport so we could rent a car to get home. After renting the car mom and I were FINALLY on our way again, I ended up having to call my friend and telling her that I wasn't going to be home until late and we would have to postpone our dinner.... it figures the ONE time we were actually going to get home at a decent time my vehicle breaks down. Mom reminded me that it was a good thing it didn't happen when we were going through all the crappy weather around Whitecourt because we could have gotten into a bad accident.... I hate it when she is right!
So the next morning we woke up fairly early so that we could make it to my appointment. I was so excited because my appointment was fairly early so we were going to be able to make it home at a decent time! We got to the hospital and decided that instead of trying to find a parking spot where my vehicle would fit that we would just valet it. It actually worked out really well because they park it for you and it really isn't a whole lot more expensive and way less stressful! Mom and I made our way to the glass elevator and went up to the second floor. I had never been to Dr McMullen's clinic before but it was on the same floor as Dr Broad's so I had an idea of where we needed to go.... turns out Dr McMullen's clinic is pretty much right beside Dr Broad's!
We didn't have to wait that long before we were able to go into the room and wait for Dr McMullen to come in which was awesome because I HATE WAITING!! haha... Dr McMullen introduced himself and the first thing out of his mouth was "I won't do this surgery unless you are 100% on board, if you have any hesitation I am not doing it." I was sort of baffled... I had never had a doctor tell me that, they always just tell me that this is what I should do. So I looked at Dr McMullen and I asked him if he thought this was a good idea and if he believed that having a bilateral adrenalectomy was the best possible choice for me. Without any hesitation at all he looked at me and simply said "Absolutely."
It wasn't until that moment that I was sure that this surgery was right for me. I had apprehensions about this surgery. Actually I was scared... this was the first surgery that the doctors were actually going to be removing something from my body, and once my adrenal glands were removed there was no going back... its not like they could take them out and then if it didn't "cure" me the doctors couldn't be like "Oh this didn't work, let's put them back." Once they were out they were gone. I am not going to lie I was scared... no I was terrified.
Once Doctor McMullen said that he felt that this surgery was right for me I felt more at ease. I was still scared because again it was a permanent decision. I told Doctor McMullen that if he felt that it was truly the right choice for me then I was totally on board. I was just ready to be normal, and not be sick all the time. I wanted to move on with my life and not have this disease rule my life anymore. Doctor McMullen went over what the surgery would be like; he told me that the removal of the adrenal glands was actually quite simple and quick... once he got to them. It is getting to them that can take some time. I think he was shocked when my mom said "Is it because you have to move the spleen and the liver?" My mom is great... she had researched this surgery and actually knew more about what the surgery would entail than I did. He said "Yes, I am going to have to move your spleen and your liver to get at the adrenal glands." There are some risks during this surgery including damaging the liver or spleen if the surgeon is not careful, the risk of damaging the kidneys when taking the adrenal glands (because the adrenals sit on your kidneys), extreme bleeding, etc. Dr McMullen assured us that the chances of any of that happening were actually quite minimal and that he was confident that it would not happen. He had a confidence about him, not that he thought he was the closest thing to God, but that he was a skilled surgeon and knew what he was doing. His confidence made me feel more comfortable and by the time we left his office I too thought that this surgery was going to be my "cure". I signed the papers saying that I agreed to have this surgery and Dr McMullen told me that his office would set up a date for the surgery. I thought that it would be months before I would be scheduled but he said that the surgery would be the middle to end of April. My mom knew that me and my friend were planning on going to Mexico in the middle of April so she mentioned that to Dr McMullen and he said that he would make sure that the surgery was scheduled for after our trip. My mom laughed and said "If you do a good job on this surgery and help fix her (me) I will bring my horses down and you can ride my horse!" I thought Dr McMullen was going to think we were crazy but he was actually really excited about it and said that he was "looking forward to riding our horses"!!
We left the hospital and I think both my mom and I felt reassured. Dr McMullen is a great doctor, not only does he have an excellent record he made me feel like this surgery was MY decision, and he didn't try and use those HUGE medical terms to make himself sound brilliant and make me look stupid. He made sure that I understood what was going to happen and made sure that I was okay with everything. So Mom and I left the hospital feeling a whole lot better.
Mom and I were surprised, we were out of the hospital by about 12pm (which was actually only 11am our time) so were were going to be home by like 6pm (our time). It was a Friday and I didn't have to work the next day so I called my friend Diane and we were supposed to go for dinner that evening. The trip home was going really well until we hit just the other side of Whitecourt... then it was raining/snowing, and the road was really icy. I was quite nervous (I hate bad road conditions), but by the time we got to Valleyview the roads were quite a bit better. I was driving and mom had just fallen asleep. We were about 3 hours from home when I came over a hill doing about 140km and I had no steering... I realized that my belt had broke... so I pulled my vehicle over the side of the road (luckily the roads were great and it was sunny outside!!). I woke mom up and told her what happened and she got out and we looked under my hood... yup the belt was broke. OH GREAT!!
We phoned the Dodge Dealership in Grand Prairie (we were about 40km outside of Grande Prairie) and I told them what happened and explained to them that I was from outta town and I was stranded on the side of the road. The guys reply was "We can't help you because we close in 40 minutes, but I will give you the name of a tow truck company." (This is one of the reasons I will NEVER buy another Dodge). I called the tow company and they said they would come get my vehicle and we asked them if they could put a new belt on for us, they said they don't normally do it but because we were from out of town they would. The guy came and got us and towed my vehicle back to their shop (which happened to be just across the highway from the Dodge Dealership). The guy looked under my hood as he was explaining to me that belts don't just break normally and that there was probably something else wrong... then he said "You might want to phone for a ride home." Apparently my idler pulley was broke and they would have to tow my vehicle to a mechanic shop. Because it was Friday it probably wouldn't get worked on until Monday.
Mom and I called a cab who took us to the airport so we could rent a car to get home. After renting the car mom and I were FINALLY on our way again, I ended up having to call my friend and telling her that I wasn't going to be home until late and we would have to postpone our dinner.... it figures the ONE time we were actually going to get home at a decent time my vehicle breaks down. Mom reminded me that it was a good thing it didn't happen when we were going through all the crappy weather around Whitecourt because we could have gotten into a bad accident.... I hate it when she is right!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)